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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410563">Out of My Depth, Out of Control</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinhoPotato/pseuds/MinhoPotato'>MinhoPotato</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also realizes she is gay, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Azula gets her happy ending, Azula gets therapy, Big Brother Zuko (Avatar), Coming Out, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/F, Gen, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, POV Azula (Avatar), Protective Zuko (Avatar), Recovering from tramau, haha wHoops</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:21:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinhoPotato/pseuds/MinhoPotato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello I love Azula and I think she deserved better/redemption. This story is mostly about her sorting through feelings and learning how to be okay, with a focus on learning how to love (Spoiler alert: shes gay and in love with Ty Lee). This is a bit longer of a story with several chapters that essentially boil down to a character (ie. First chapter focuses on Zuko, second on Katara, etc)</p>
<p>If you have any suggestions or comments about this please let me know!! This is my first longer fic and I want to do it justice.</p>
    </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azula &amp; Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula &amp; Ursa (Avatar), Azula &amp; Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Out of My Depth, Out of Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello I love Azula and I think she deserved better/redemption. This story is mostly about her sorting through feelings and learning how to be okay, with a focus on learning how to love (Spoiler alert: shes gay and in love with Ty Lee). This is a bit longer of a story with several chapters that essentially boil down to a character (ie. First chapter focuses on Zuko, second on Katara, etc)</p>
<p>If you have any suggestions or comments about this please let me know!! This is my first longer fic and I want to do it justice.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Azula was born the perfect, talented, brilliant fire princess. Azula could do everything and anything, usually with ease. Her life was defined by control, everything was in its proper place according to her watchful eye. It’s ironic that her downfall leaves her completely out of her depth, out of control and struggling to make it through the days.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The first few days of being locked up slip by in a blur. She is too numb to realize the loss she has taken. When it finally hits her, during a particular visit with Zuko, she breaks again. She screams for hours, blaming everyone and everything she can think of (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Other than her father of course, he is still the almighty savior in her twisted mind)</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She doesn’t eat, even after her voice is so hoarse she isn’t really saying words anymore, just noise that vaguely sounds panicked and desperate, like a baby who has been left to cry for too long and believes no one is coming. Her throat hurts, her arms ache from being bound, her heart thunders in her chest and her gut coils. Azula has lost control.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As the days pass, she declines more so, steadily almost. Zuko insists on visiting, almost every day. He doesn’t visit in the fire lord robes, just his regular clothes. Does the crown sit heavy on his head? She wonders. Does it hurt his neck and tangle in his hair? The weight it gives too much to bear? (</span>
  <em>
    <span>She was personally worried it would tangle and knot in her hair when she finally gets to wear it)</span>
  </em>
  <span> Sometimes they just sit in silence for hours, just trying to make something work, as if the two of them could exist in the same room together after everything they’ve suffered. Azula can’t stand him, might even hate him, but he is her only contact with the outside world. He doesn’t leave, for some god unknown reason, Zuko thinks Azula is worth saving.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How are you feeling today?” He asks as he walks into her room. Her arms are free today, it is no secret that her lack of control snatched her bending away. Fire requires control, she lacks control, so she lacks the bright blue flames that are so vital to her identity. She sits on her bed, cross legged, intentionally sitting to show disrespect. From her bed, which is all too uncomfortable, she can look out her very tiny barred window, seeing just the greenery beyond, nothing of the great nation that lies outside her walls. She’s skinner, the fat of her cheeks thinning out. Her eyes are slightly swollen, her lips chapped. Her hair is still choppy, ugly and uneven, but it’s growing out and healing from the way she cut it.</span>
  <em>
    <span> It is the only thing that has healed from her break</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She is a poor shadow of herself, as if someone attempted to paint her with only a description relayed throughout the whole fire nation. He sits across from her in a rickety chair, she can feel those brown eyes boring into her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect. I’m ready to take my place as fire lord.” She says all silky, smooth and controlled. Everything she once was; this will scare him, knowing that she is returning to form. Zuko was always easily gullible, he will probably believe she is returning to her former self. Azula looks at him, expecting him to put up a fight.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Azula. Don’t make me say it.” Zuko looks tragically sad, like he pities her. Anger swells within her, no one </span>
  <em>
    <span>dare </span>
  </em>
  <span>pity here, </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>her loser brother. Azula is talented, unscarred, patient, effective and, strong, everything her brother is not. She wants to zap him right where he sits, bend the energies away from each other in such a fashion only she can. Burn his stupid clothes and turn him to ash with vibrant blue flames </span>
  <em>
    <span>she is only a little sick at the thought of being so much like her father she would hurt the ones she used to care for</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But she can’t, she lacks everything she once was.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Why are you even here? Just to pity me?” She’s beginning to slip, her anger slipping through the cracks, her grip of control is loosening. Zuko has never managed to anger her before, but somehow he does now. It’s like Zuko is mocking her, waving her patheticness in front of her face like one might wave a piece of meat in front of a platypus bear that is locked in a steel cage.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re my sister. I want to make things better.” Azula’s chest aches, she grits her teeth. She’s out of her depth, she’s scrambling to regain control.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No, you just want to feel better about yourself. Look at you, the good big brother caring for his crazy sister. Doesn’t change the fact you’re a miserable failure.” Her words have a biting tone and she fixes Zuko with a glare. He flinches, sadness and anger dancing across his features. He was always so readable, he’ll never make it as fire lord when she can read him like a book.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe that’s true Azula. But, father hurt you. He was… cruel and evil. I want to help you, like Iroh and Aang and Katara and everyone helped me.” So it was a pity party. Good for Zuko, someone thought he was worth saving. Azula isn't worth saving. She can’t bend anymore, she isn’t in control, she is no longer perfect. She is worthless. No one bothers to keep a broken mirror. Zuko does look genuine, she will give him that, Azula forces herself to look back out the window. She has a nagging feeling that she’s going to burst into tears, which she shoves down as far as she can. He’s so naive. She maintains control. The rest of the visit is spent in silence, her staring out the window, him staring at her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he does leave, she does burst into tears. She curls into a ball like a toddler, hugging her knees to her chest. Her breaths are uneven, hot tears running down her face. She desperately rubs at her eyes, trying to shut down this outburst. Azula tears her eyes away from the window, her mother stares at her from the corner of the room.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What a shame. You always were so beautiful.” Ursa says, in a voice that sounds like Azula’s. Azula hiccups, trying to muster up the courage to yell at her. It doesn’t matter, she knows it, her mother will only leave when she wants to. She is out of control and alone. She would never admit it, but she longs for things to be different with Zuko.</span>
</p>
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